Category Archives: playwriting

#FringeFemmes 2024: Meet Rahvaunia Johnson

By Constance Strickland

June is here and “Women on the Fringe” are again onstage!

There is nothing quite like the buzz that’s created during the Hollywood Fringe. It is a time filled with risk-taking, courage, hope and independent artists creating new work by any means necessary. Each year, I ask women writers a new series of questions influenced by the Proust Questionnaire and Bernard Pivot’s French series, “Bouillon de Culture.” The goal is to understand the artist’s work and their full nature while allowing them a space to reveal their authentic self. It is a great gift and a true honor to introduce women who will be presenting work in myriad genres, exploring a wide range of topics that allow us to examine who we are as individuals and as a society.

Introducing Rahvaunia Johnson and her show, “tHis Is Very IMPORTANT

Rahvaunia Johnson

Constance: What do you hope audience members take away after experiencing your show?

Rahvaunia: My show’s message is layered, much like life itself. I hope that the audience members leave with the understanding that we are all navigating this world, doing the best we can. We don’t always get it right, but if we lead with love, kindness, empathy and non-judgment, we may realize that we are more alike than different. It would truly make my soul smile if women, in particular, embraced self-work, the importance of sisterhood,and emotional work, which would allow them to recognize their immense importance to the world and the human experience. It is also important for all genders to understand how special the woman truly is. We are all here because of a woman.

Constance: What’s been your biggest challenge in terms of your development/creation process?

Rahvaunia: Outside of never writing anything other than a couple of short films and a few synopsis… The biggest challenge in my development and creation process has been managing my grand dreams and high expectations. I envision everything on such a grand scale and my perfectionist tendencies, combined with a touch of OCD, make it even more demanding. I aimed to create something so impactful that the HIV storyline connecting 3 of the 15 characters becomes unavoidable and deeply relatable. Often, we shy away from topics we think won’t resonate with us, but that’s precisely why I created this show… to challenge those assumptions. This journey has been incredibly challenging requiring me to dig deep and find my inner voice, reminding myself to let go and simply create. I had to learn to step out of my own way.

Constance: What are you enjoying most as you create your show?

Rahvaunia: I most enjoyed the discovery of small nuances that make each character relatable to a diverse audience. It’s incredibly fulfilling to layer the lives of these women beyond their diagnosis, exploring their journeys before, during and after. Creating characters with fragments of all of us, regardless of race or gender, allows me to connect with the audience on a profound level. This process of crafting multifaceted, relatable women was both challenging and deeply rewarding.

Constance: What has been the most surprising discovery?

Rahvaunia: That’s been my ability to create something that is both entertaining and, at times, humorous, while addressing a topic that many consider heavy or taboo. Even the most touching and emotional moments are crafted to take the audience on a journey that ultimately ends in hope and a smile, both on their faces and in their hearts.

Constance: The work will be given away soon. How does that feel?

Rahvaunia: I’ve been blessed to share this work before, and each time I put it out there and leave everything on the stage it’s an incredible feeling. Knowing that my contribution is raising awareness and serving the community is immensely fulfilling. As a BIOPIC woman, my work directly impacts my community, but it also resonates with the broader global community. This sense of connection and service is what makes this experience truly amazing.

Constance: How long have you been sitting with this work?

Rahvaunia: For 16 years or so before finally bringing it to life. Life has a way of keeping you busy and pulling you in many directions, but I never let it discourage me. I knew that when the time was right, it would happen. And it did, at the perfect moment, just as the number of diagnoses among Black cisgender women was on a constant rise.

Constance: Why Fringe? Why this year?

Rahvaunia: Why not? I’ve been a Fringe audience member for some time, and it’s one of the few times in Hollywood when small theatrical productions get the support they truly deserve. LA might not be known as a “theatre” town, but for 30 glorious days, Fringe transforms it into one. The energy and passion during this festival are unparalleled. I originally wanted to participate in the Hollywood Fringe in 2020, but we all know what happened that year. I decided to step back for a while, observing how theatre adapted to streaming shows to keep the art alive during such trying times. But I had a desire to connect with live audiences and that was a priority for my “important” show. And here I am. Hello, Hollywood Fringe 2024. Thank you for making space for me!

Constance: Anything else that must be said – please add!

Rahvaunia: “tHis Is Very IMPORTANT” is my first written piece for the stage. Stepping into unknown territory this project has not only taught me invaluable lessons but also ignited a yearning to create more theatre work. It is my hope to be able to bring those ideas to a stage near you. In the meantime, I am manifesting that TIVI (short for tHis Is Very IMPORTANT) will be performed on stages worldwide. It’s a human experience that deserves to be seen by all. Beyond its stage life, it will evolve into a mini-series. Many people have expressed a desire to know what happens next for my characters, and I hope they won’t have to wait too long to find out.

For info and tickets visit https://www.hollywoodfringe.org/projects/10434

#FringeFemmes Check-Ins: Ne-Fairy-Ous

by Heather Dowling

Quick peeks at #HFF24’s “Women on the Fringe” by Fringe Femmes who are behind the scenes this year. Click Here for all Check-Ins

Fringe Femmes

WHO:  Susan Sassi

WHAT: Ne-Fairy-Ous

WHERE: The Hobgoblin Playhouse (Main Space), 6440 Santa Monica Bl

WHY: In this multimedia, solo-musical, writer/comedian Susan Sassi plays a changeling named “Mage Lynn” – an imaginative child who weaves a pretend world of musicals, game shows and a magical guide to move past childhood trauma. On her search for a happy ending, happiness seems determined to elude Mage, but her journey is an entertaining one to watch! The characters that come to life along the way paint a vivid and colorful story. And though her adventures take us to some rough places, the humor, honesty and musicality of Mage’s story has us rooting for her happy ending, and our own.

HOW: https://www.hollywoodfringe.org/projects/10593

Click Here to Find More “Women on the Fringe!”

#FringeFemmes Check-Ins: The Funny Thing About Men!

by Eloise Coopersmith

Quick peeks at #HFF24’s “Women on the Fringe” by Fringe Femmes who are behind the scenes this year. Click Here for all Check-Ins

Fringe Femmes

WHO:  Mandy Williams

WHAT: The Funny Thing About Men

WHERE:  Asylum @ Stephanie Fuery Studio Theatre (Mainstage), 5636 Melrose Av

WHY: Mandy Williams, a multi talented Brit transplant, has crafted and performs a highly entertaining evening of charming and original tunes. Whether it’s her British roots or her subtle humor, her songs—with a wink and a nod—evoke a modern “variety theatre,” blending comedy, music and dance, reminiscent of the vaudeville houses of the past. She woos the listener, taking us on an enjoyable ride through the very human foibles of male/female relationships. Clever, witty and unexpected, her mellifluous voice enchants the audience as she lovingly examines men, women, their idiosyncrasies and their relationships.

HOW: https://www.hollywoodfringe.org/projects/10376

Click Here to Find More “Women on the Fringe!”

#FringeFemmes Check-Ins: SAM!

by Eloise Coopersmith

Quick peeks at #HFF24’s “Women on the Fringe” by Fringe Femmes who are behind the scenes this year. Click Here for all Check-Ins

Fringe Femmes

WHO:  Sam Labrecque

WHAT: SAM: An Existential Comedy Solo Show

WHERE: The Broadwater Studio, 1078 Lillian Way

WHY: Spunky, sassy, and sincere, Sam opens our hearts to the adventures of an aspiring actress in Hollywood, striving to find her artistic purpose. Labrecque embodies the quintessential fringe artist—bold, innovative, and deeply passionate. With meta musical numbers, composed/keys by the multi-talented Edith Mudge, captivating dance moves, humor, and a heartfelt narrative, she paved the way for a meaningful realization for both herself and her audience.

HOW: https://www.hollywoodfringe.org/projects/10296

Click Here to Find More “Women on the Fringe!”

#FringeFemmes 2024: Meet Joy Regullano

By Constance Strickland

June is here and “Women on the Fringe” are again onstage!

There is nothing quite like the buzz that’s created during the Hollywood Fringe. It is a time filled with risk-taking, courage, hope and independent artists creating new work by any means necessary. Each year, I ask women writers a new series of questions influenced by the Proust Questionnaire and Bernard Pivot’s French series, “Bouillon de Culture.” The goal is to understand the artist’s work and their full nature while allowing them a space to reveal their authentic self. It is a great gift and a true honor to introduce women who will be presenting work in myriad genres, exploring a wide range of topics that allow us to examine who we are as individuals and as a society.

Introducing Joy Regullano and her show, “Body Count

Joy Regullano

Constance: What do you hope audience members take away after experiencing your show?

Joy: I hope that people learn at least a little something about themselves from my story. Maybe a little a-ha moment of why their relationships ended the way they did or an insight into their own relationship with their parents or family. In my fantasy of fantasies, people who need help would feel inspired to get the help they need, whether it’s through reading one of my recommended books, going to therapy or something else. I also of course hope that they’ll be entertained and laugh.

Constance: What’s been your biggest challenge in terms of your development/creation process?

Joy: It’s such a deeply personal show – more personal than anything else I’ve written and shared publicly, and that’s saying a lot because almost everything I write is very personal. So there’s a part of me that fears that anyone who is mentioned in the show will come to see it, haha! I’ve also been pushed by multiple people to go more into the dramatic and emotional, and as a comedian that’s not always my favorite place to go. But I hope that exploring those areas has helped make it more profound.

Constance: What are you enjoying most as you create your show?

Joy: It’s always really fun to see what the audience laughs at. What the audience responds to. Especially when it’s something I didn’t even think was funny. It’s a feedback loop – their reaction inspires me to tweak the show, which then hopefully causes them to laugh even more. I suppose what I’m speaking of is the workshopping process. I also enjoy connecting with people after they see the show and hearing what they resonate with, whether it’s a relationship with their parents, a way they’ve moved through the world in their romantic relationships, or something else.

Constance: What has been the most surprising discovery?

Joy: Just how many people resonate with what I talk about in my show? A lot of it is such a taboo topic, that it’s not like it’s the typical everyday conversation that always comes up. So I’m really glad to be part of an effort to normalize talking about these issues.

Constance: The work will be given away soon. How does that feel?

Joy: It’s scary!! I already feel the postpartum depression. And once you give it away, you can’t control how people take it. But it will also feel fun, connecting, and… relieving?? Haha. How long have you been sitting with this work? I’ve thought about writing something around this topic for a few years, but I think I needed some distance away from the events that actually happened in my life that inspired it before I was ready to shape it into a public show. So maybe like … 5 years? haha.

Constance: Why Fringe? Why this year?

Joy: I absolutely loved my last experience with Fringe in 2019 with my musical SUPPORTIVE WHITE PARENTS and wanted to do it again! I loved all the “fringeships” I made, and I love the community, and I found it to be an incredibly connecting experience. I had just come out of a solo show class at East West Players with a draft of this show, and it was either do Fringe now or wait until next year, which felt like an awfully long time to wait. So I did drag my feet a little bit, but I eventually pulled the trigger.

Constance: Anything else that must be said – please add!

Joy: Hope to see you at the show! I’m on IG @joyregullano and @bodycountsoloshow.n Our first show on Sun 6/9 @ 11pm is PWYC. No code is necessary! (And if you miss me at Hollywood Fringe this year, I’m taking it to NYC for a couple of show dates in late June as part of Pan Asian Rep’s NuWorks Festival! Check out the program here: https://www.panasianrep.org/nuworks-2024.)

For info and tickets visit https://www.hollywoodfringe.org/projects/10932

#FringeFemmes 2024: Meet Valerie Lacy

By Constance Strickland

June is here and “Women on the Fringe” are again onstage!

There is nothing quite like the buzz that’s created during the Hollywood Fringe. It is a time filled with risk-taking, courage, hope and independent artists creating new work by any means necessary. Each year, I ask women writers a new series of questions influenced by the Proust Questionnaire and Bernard Pivot’s French series, “Bouillon de Culture.” The goal is to understand the artist’s work and their full nature while allowing them a space to reveal their authentic self. It is a great gift and a true honor to introduce women who will be presenting work in myriad genres, exploring a wide range of topics that allow us to examine who we are as individuals and as a society.

Introducing Valerie Lacy and her show, “Who In The World Is Valerie Lacy?

Valerie Lacy

Constance: What do you hope audience members take away after experiencing your show?

Valerie: I would like for them to take away that your past does not define you. It’s merely a compass to guide you into the knowledge of who you are.

Constance: What’s been your biggest challenge in terms of your development/creation process?

Valerie: The biggest challenge was facing the parts of myself I had disassociated with.

Constance: What are you enjoying most as you create your show?

Valerie: I am enjoying the opportunity to create and share my story with others.

Constance: What has been the most surprising discovery?

Valerie: That I can actually do what I started.

Constance: The work will be given away soon – How does that feel?

Valerie: I feel good and ready to give it all I have. It feels so right!

Constance: How long have you been sitting with this work?

Valerie: All my life.

Constance: Why Fringe? Why this year?

Valerie: I wanted to give Fringe a try and see what happens. Why not this year I am not getting any younger.

Constance: Anything else that must be said?

Valerie: I am all in to entertain and tell my story!

For info and tickets visit https://www.hollywoodfringe.org/projects/10707 | “Who In The World Is Valerie Lacy?” plays Fridays & Saturdays at 8:30pm June 14th – June 22nd

The FPI Files: I am a Narrative: Kacie Rogers on Her Solo Show, “I Sell Windows”

by Elana Luo

A couple years ago, Kacie Rogers was anonymously nominated for the Free The Arts Shay Fellowship, a paid opportunity to write and develop a solo piece. She seized the chance, and wrote a five minute submission piece. A few weeks later, she found out that she had gotten the fellowship. And thus—her solo show I Sell Windows was born.

I Sell Windows, co-produced by Outside In Theatre & Bottle Tree Theatre (Kacie is one of the company’s co-founders), is an autobiographical collection of stories and reflections written and performed by Kacie. The anecdotes work through an artist’s experience of frustration and guilt, and let us be privy to a journey of self-discovery through grief. 

After seeing a performance of I Sell Windows, I called Kacie to chat about the process of putting it together. As the show’s writer, producer and performer, Kacie and her personal collection of experiences are its driving force. Among other things, we talk about theater as therapy, the joys of working with great creative collaborators and writing about the things that scare you most.

Elana Luo: Let’s start at the beginning. Tell me about coming up with the idea for this show.

Kacie Rogers: What I was always interested in was writing all of the scariest things I could think of that I’ve never thought I could say in front of a roomful of people. Stories that were the most interesting, or formative for me in one way or another. So that was my approach. Because theater, in so many ways, has been such a home for me, and such a place where I have channeled a countless amount of emotions through characters. I just always wondered what it would be like to stand up there and do it as myself. I think it’s an act of bravery. I thought it would be very cathartic.

Kacie Rogers in “I Sell Windows” – photo by JJ Hawkins

But I was also terrified that people would hate me. And so I was like, well, I need a collaborator. If I’m going to write all these scary things, I need a collaborator who I can trust, and I will always know that she loves me enough. There’s nothing too scary for me to say in front of her.

Elana: Was that Jaquita Ta’le, the director? And she’s also a co-founder of your company, Bottle Tree Theatre?

Kacie: Yes. She would guide me to what was interesting to her and away from things that didn’t seem like they were serving the narrative. I remember for a long time she was like, we just have to find a container.

Elana: An umbrella of sorts.

Kacie: Yeah. One thing I did trust is that  all these stories are coming from one common place. That common place is me. Ultimately, all we are as human beings are walking stories. So at some point if I just write down all these stories, I’m going to find a narrative somewhere, linear or non-linear. I am a narrative. And so I just kind of allowed myself to to write whatever and then trust that we would find a container. 

Elana: And what did you find?

Kacie: It’s so interesting—the container ended up being window selling, yes, but ultimately, it’s the death of my grandfather. A common factor of a lot of the stories was the guilt and frustration I feel around being imperfect, and unforgiveness around missing my grandfather’s death because of my desire to serve my artistry rather than going to serve my family. That was a huge revelation for me.

Kacie Rogers in “I Sell Windows” – photo by JJ Hawkins

Elana: Once you had all these stories and their container, what was developing the piece like?

Kacie: It’s so deeply personal, every single part of it. It’s really hard. There’s a lot of self doubt that is all over this process, because it is me–performing me, writing me, about me. So it’s very, very vulnerable. And you constantly want to change things, because you’re like, maybe people aren’t responding to me, you know? Maybe I should “do me” differently. And that’s really hard.

Elana: Has there been anything that has helped you deal with that?

Kacie: I think I’m actively learning to deal with it. I have the best team around me. Like really top to bottom. Jaquita, Jessica [Hanna, Producing Artistic Director of Outside In Theatre] and Chelsea [Boyd, Co-Founder of Bottle Tree Theatre]; Arlo [Sanders], Paul [Hungerford] and Matthew [Pitner] from Outside In; my stage manager Arielle [Hightower] and my puppeteers [Brittaney Talbot and Perry Daniel]… all of those people are so affirming at every step of the way. They have been so selfless in all the ways that they are willing to throw themselves into the work because they believe in it so deeply. And if anything has helped me to quell those doubts, it’s been looking around me and being so humbled and so encouraged by the endless amounts of work and heaps of appreciation that they have gifted me with.

Elana: That’s beautiful.

Kacie: I’m so thankful. But outside of that, I think it’s really important to accept that your thing does not have to be for everybody. You can be fully you, and your thing can be fully your thing, and be amazing at being your thing, and still not be for somebody else. And that’s okay. I think that’s a big learning curve. So that’s the lesson I’m currently trying to speak into myself.

Jessica Hanna (Producer), Jaquita Ta’le (Director), Kacie Rogers, Chelsea Boyd (Producer), Brittaney Talbot (Puppet Designer_Performer), Perry Daniels (Puppet Performer), Arielle Hightower (Stage Manager) after “I Sell Windows” opening – photo by Mallury P

Elana: Moving along in the process, will you tell me a little about producing the show? How did it make it onstage at Outside In?

Kacie: In 2022, Jacquita found an opportunity with Greenway Court Theatre. They were looking to help produce a show, so she submitted I Sell Windows. We didn’t get that opportunity, but they gave us another opportunity to do a one-night-only performance as a part of their Jam Poetry Festival. So I did that last year.

And Jessica Hanna—she directed me in a play years ago and we just kept in touch because we’re both big theater gals. I knew Jess had taken several shows to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, so I invited her to a coffee to pick her brain about what that process is like. It just so happened that the one-night-only presentation of I Sell Windows was within the next couple of weeks, so I invited her to see the show. She ended up coming, and I remember her walking out and being like, “let’s meet this week.” From there, she was like, “I’m starting a theater company. I want to produce your show. I want to give it a run and then I want to take it to Edinburgh!”

Elana: Wow.

Kacie: It was just like that. It was one of those dreamy meetings where everything you ever want to happen, happened.

Bottle Tree Theatre’s Chelsea Boyd, Kacie Rogers and Jaquita Ta’le – photo by JJ Hawkins

Elana: You’ve been lucky, but you’ve also been prepared.

Kacie: Chelsea Boyd always says, “All things will come together with ease and joy.” We just kind of keep doing the work, showing up and taking the opportunities that fall in front of us, and as we have it, truly all things have kind of come together with ease and joy. And I’m so thankful for that.

“I Sell Windows” plays through June 17th at Outside In Theatre’s ArtBox. Visit outsideintheatre.org/i-sell-windows for tickets and information.

Know a female or FPI-friendly theater, company or artist? Contact us at [email protected] & check out The FPI Files for more stories.

Want to hear from more women artists? Make a Tax-Deductible Donation to LAFPI!

Donate Now!

Revisiting the Four Agreements

by Analyn Revilla

I did a couple of things this weekend that reminded me to revisit Don Miguel Ruiz’s “The Four Agreements”.  The first agreement “Be impeccable with your word”.

Here are the Four Agreements, and the most important is the agreement we make with ourselves.

Credit: https://amber-allen-publishing.mykajabi.com

The first situation was a misunderstanding on a specified date for a new yoga class.  The class kicked off on Saturday, June 1st, and there wasn’t an instructor to lead the class.  A phone call with my supervisor starts with his apology for not reminding me about the change in the schedule.  Surprised, I said that the class doesn’t start till June 12th.  He doesn’t know where that date came from.  He’s been swamped with many things and kindly reminded me that going forward, every Saturday, there is a 9:30 am class. 

After getting off the call I rechecked the text… Ooops.  I made the mistake.  It read June 1, 2024.  I misread the numbers by stringing the 1-2 together in my first quick glance at the text.  Funny thing is that he and I had had in person conversations about the class since he originally notified me by text. I said June 12th to which he didn’t react to. 

I called my supervisor quickly, though there was a moment of hesitation, remorse and recoil on my part. I didn’t relish the idea of owning up to the problem. I was being mindless in reading the text in the first place.  Not very yogi-like of a yoga teacher. “It’s on me,” I said to him, “I misread your text.”  He graciously accepted my apology.  We cleared up the air and set the expectations.  That also touches on the 2nd agreement – “Don’t make assumptions”.  I did the opposite by assuming I was correct on the date.   I also stumped on the 4th agreement “Always do your best”.  

My Jenga tower just came crashing down, but still partially standing as I was impeccable with my word on that incident.

The second situation was similar – a scheduling conflict.  I texted someone to request for rescheduling an important meeting.  I was conflicted to give a reason for the request for the change.  I was assuming (again) that the person might think my reason as trivial.  But, to me the reason was not trivial.  I typed the words carefully and explained the situation.  I held my breath (sort of) for half an hour.  The person responded and said, “let me check the calendar, I will get back to you shortly”.

I felt deeply relieved that the person responded quickly for a Sunday afternoon, and that the request was viable.  The best part was I didn’t lie, and that felt extremely good.

I am dedicating this blog in memory of Erica H. Bennett for her original blog post of “The Four Agreements” – https://lafpi.com/2015/05/labor/ . She wrote it on May 29th, 2015.  The date was 9 years ago, last Wednesday.  Nancy Beverly commented to say she has the Four Agreements posted at her desk. Thank you for your Erica blog. RIP.

Let’s Make a Deal

by Analyn Revilla

We’ve all probably experienced times when we haven’t been treated fairly.  

Remember the TV game show “Let’s Make a Deal”? Sometimes the player would choose a door that would reveal a goat, instead of a brand new car.

One of my hardest experience, since Bruno’s accident and dealing with the aftermath of that event, was to face up to someone in power for bullying.  In hindsight, I had no choice.  I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t speak up.  

Even if there are laws to help protect human rights, it still takes one person to speak up to make the law effective  It could be a witness who steps up to bring about transparency to the mistreatment of a human being by another; or the person themselves being victimized who says “Stop.”, “Enough!”.  When I spoke up for myself, I felt an enormous relief. It was the most freeing experience I’ve had in a very long time since I started to shrink under the weight and pressure of the bullying.  

I think it begins with being aware of the situation and accepting the “what is”.  Sometimes, the situation can seem daunting and unbelievable.  Denial of the ‘what is’ perpetuates the ongoing victimization.  Awareness and accepting are key to bringing forth action.

Coming to a resolution is a long and tough road. But step by step, I work on being at peace with what’s at hand.  I remind myself that It’s just this. Then, I can think and see my options and choose what is right for me. 

My Mom texted a story to me today.  A friend of hers went to the doctor with her son.  The doctor said everything was fine.  The mother and son went to the pharmacy at the mall to fill out a prescription.  Afterwards, they walked around the mall and then the mother collapsed and died.  My Mom attended the funeral today.

It makes me think that it does not matter whether I’ve been dealt a good hand, a bad hand, or nothing much at all – I just have to deal.  Accept it and keep on dealing.  I texted back my Mom and told her to keep on loving and that I love her.

I’ll take the goat instead of the car!

Just Right

by Analyn Revilla

I’ve run out of excuses to write something for this week’s blog.  I’ve made too many trips to the kitchen from my writing chair.  I’ve cleaned out my laundry basket and folded everything.  I’ve done all the necessary correspondences and then some.  Animals have been taken care of.  What else? What else?  Oh.  I’ve got to practice guitar.  High E string breaks, so now I have to change the strings.  While I’m at it, I’ll clean the guitar – oiling the neck, brushing the spaces between the frets, wiping the pegs clean.  All set, but now I have to practice yoga.  I have a class to teach.  I need coffee.  Walk the dog first.  I’m practicing everything else except writing.

I started agonizing about writing since that alert email flashed in my inbox last Friday.  Subject line:  Start of Blog Week.  I’m paralyzed with performance anxiety that strikes at my heart.  It’s ironic to me, because being a yoga teacher, I guide class participants to let go, use awareness and breath to get through the asanas.  I’ve already held my breath in my chest during the past 186 words.  

I’ve “figured it out”.  My mind is controlling the outcome even before I’ve started.  Does any of this resonate with anyone out there?  Echo – echo – echo…

Hey it works!  I did use my awareness and breath and the breath is flowing again, and I know it’s going to be ok.  I can write.  One of the metaphors I use in my yoga classes is Goldilocks.  It has to be just right:  Not too hard, not too soft.  Not too hot, not too cold.  Not too big, not too small.  Ok cool.  This gives me permission to just be myself:  Just right.  Just write.

Like other art forms, writing is a practice.  For me, it is the hardest effort compared to meditation, yoga and guitar. There are other practices not always labeled as “artistic”, such as medical and legal practices (though to me any practice is an art form).  A practice means showing up and being present. 

During the first week of  acting classes, the coach asked, what is difference between an amateur and a professional? From the American Heritage Dictionary:

Thirty years ago I lived in Salem, Oregon, working as an Information Technology professional.  I left the bubble of Vancouver, BC and dove deep into a new environment in every sense of the word.  The consulting company provided for a 30 day use of a car and free accommodation.  Coming close to the end of this grace period, I found two cars to choose from, one was a practical Toyota Tercel and a medium luxury Saab (both second hand).  The owner of the Tercel had a dog.  The car was flea ridden to match the roller painted teal blue.  The SAAB was a convertible.  Imagine.  I asked a friend which car I should choose, though I already knew in my heart of hearts which one I would buy.  My friend’s response was “There’s not even a choice.  You’re a professional now.”

Those words still ring in my ears now and then when coming to choices of “fun” versus “serious”.  Should I get a fun car or a serious car?  Sure, a convertible is fun, but fun to me was having cash in my pocket to explore and I didn’t need a convertible to do that.  There were not any regrets with the Toyota.  I drove it everywhere, even trips to Vancouver, BC and back to Salem with the gas pedal to the metal, especially during the uphill stretches through the Cascade mountains.  There was the regularly planned stop at Olympia, Washington to cool down the engine.  One morning, close to the end of my gig, I woke up and found the car crumpled, a victim of a hit and run.  The insurance company paid me $100 less than what I paid for the car.

The Bhagavad Gita, noted as the primary source of yogic philosophy by B.K.S. Iyengar, compares the body to a chariot, the sense to the horses and the mind to the reins.  “The intellect is the charioteer and the soul is the master of the chariot.”

Going back to the 90’s when I lived in Salem, I also discovered “Alice In Chains” (AIC).  The album, “Jar of Flies” was my constant companion.  I’ve been listening to AIC again, and unearthed my beginner’s mind approach to daily living.  I’m listing to the album “Dirt”, an “intense” record as described by Jerry Cantrell (lead guitar, composer and vocals for AIC).

“Dirt” – Wikipedia – Retrospectively, the album has continued to receive acclaim, with Rolling Stone placing the album at No. 26 on its list of the “100 Greatest Metal Albums of All Time”.[11] Dirt was included in the 2005 book 1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die

There’s a freshness and enthusiasm to see how the day will unfold with my daily practice of yoga, meditation, guitar, reading and writing.  I definitely could strengthen my writing practice, which I said earlier is the hardest of them all.  Writing just demands all of me (flesh, blood, and bones and all the icky gooey stuff when you cut yourself open).  Plus it’s slow and gives me time to second guess my second guesses.  There’s always the opportunity to nullify the output (backspace, delete).

Writing is another form of self-expression.  The other practices (a.k.a  “distractions”) of yoga, guitar and house chores that take time away from writing is energy spent noodling in my head and heart, while keeping my hands busy.  These expressions also inform my writing.  I am able to give myself permission to relax in recognizing that this is my process to get me to the blank page to start pouring it all out:  my doubts, vulnerabilities, found strength in my weaknesses, and allowing and accepting it all.  Everyday is an opportunity for beginner’s mind which is the joy of being an amateur who practices their art for the joy of it.  The seriousness of maintaining a household for survival needs requires a healthy balance of joy through creation in music, writing and yoga & meditation.  Also, I’ve accepted that self-expression is not selfish. How can art be born without soulful expression in form?

Dirt. Unearthed. Beginner’s Mind.

Everything is just right.