You gotta love a good title. We definitely took notice of Cara Meyers’ solo show, “Show Me Your Dick: A Lifetime of Dating in a Larger Body,” during the Hollywood Fringe Festival this past summer. But at the center of the show is an interesting contradiction: What happens when you’ve spent much of your life absorbing the message that women who look like you aren’t desirable, while your actual experiences with men tell a very different story?
So we were glad to see the show returning to LA stages in the fall; even more excited that we were able to peek behind the scenes before Cara’s show on December 1st at the Upright Citizens Brigade, which is where the project got its start. And very pleased, indeed, to now share a terrific chat between Cara and her director, Margot Leitman.
Cara Meyers: Margot, what was your first reaction when I asked you to do this with me?
Margot Leitman: My first reaction was that I really loved the material. I’d heard conversations around body positivity and fat positivity before, but your perspective felt unique. The way you talked about your experiences and your body was something I hadn’t heard before, and I knew there was a story there.
Cara: I distinctly remember you originally telling me no. You said, “I don’t direct stage shows anymore,” and I was devastated.
Margot: That’s probably accurate. I always tell people I don’t direct anymore.
Cara: Then you said you’d listen to my pitch and help me find the right director. And then you became my director.
I knew there was nobody else I wanted. I’d taken your class, and you pushed me in a way that made me better. That’s exactly what I needed for this show. I didn’t want a director who wasn’t going to challenge me to do the uncomfortable work, especially because vulnerability doesn’t come naturally to me.
Margot: I think a lot of the show’s success comes from that vulnerability. You were willing to tell the actual story while still making it theatrical. It never felt like therapy onstage. It felt like theater.
Cara: I do feel like that’s an issue a lot with solo shows – the solo show trope where you had this very traumatic thing happen to you, and you want to write a show about it, but you end up writing it from a place of still experiencing that trauma instead of a place of understanding it and moving past it.
Margot: I would agree with that completely. I don’t want to leave a show feeling like, “I’m going to see what I can do to help this performer.” I want to leave and be like, wow, that was a great journey this performer went on. They’re in a place where they can talk about this from a perspective that really matters.
Cara: One thing I appreciated [when writing the show] was that you let me take my time with the process. I have a demanding full-time job, and I never wanted to force words onto the page before I was ready.
Margot: A lot of writers need deadlines. You didn’t. You were always going to finish this. Letting you move at your own pace ended up benefiting the work.
Cara: We started while I was recovering from hip replacement surgery. At the same time, I was going through a difficult emotional period in my personal life. One of the most important moments in the process was when you pointed out that I was repeating the same patterns I’d experienced in high school.
Margot: Do you think doing the show helped break that cycle?
Cara: I do. The show forced me to be honest with myself.
But I want to talk about this: You weren’t sold on the title at first.
Margot: I wasn’t. I stand corrected. It definitely gets people’s attention!
Cara: Yeah, and I know it’s a little misleading. A lot of people walk out of my show saying it’s about much more than just dicks. And I’m like, thank you!
But in the show, the dick pics are necessary for the storytelling. They’re tangible evidence of something larger. The idea for the show started around 2018 or 2019, when I was beginning to understand how being fat had shaped my experiences. Eventually I realized there was a much larger story there.
Margot: That’s why the backstory was so important. Audiences needed to understand where these experiences began.
Cara: A misconception about the show is that a lot of people think I really drag men. But I hope they realize I’m dragging society. Society has taught us that you should not be attracted to fat people, but you are. And that’s okay. But [then] you’re mad at me instead of being mad at society.
I feel like I get men’s anger instead of being able to change societal norms. It does genuinely feel like an unhealed man dates for male approval, rather than who they really want to date.
Margot: That’s a really powerful statement.
Cara: It’s taken me a long time to realize that. And doing this show has opened my eyes to other relationships, too. It’s helped me look at friendships and validation in ways I hadn’t before.
So Margot: what was it like for you when we finally put the show up for an audience?
Margot: I was incredibly proud. I also remember being shocked by how few notes I had. We’d already spent two years doing the work. Most of the work was behind us at that point.
Cara: One of my favorite things about the process is that we never really changed the core of the show.
Margot: Your life kept evolving while you were writing, but your point of view remained incredibly strong throughout all of it.
Cara: I didn’t realize how emotional the show was until the first read-through. Some friends came up afterward and said, “You make so much more sense to me now.”
Margot: I’m hoping that this brings only more good things professionally and personally in your life. It sounds like it already has. You’ve had a lot of growth from it, which has been a really great experience for you. And all I say is “Cara is a dream to work with, she does the work.”
Cara: And you were a dream director. You didn’t only tell me what wasn’t working. You also told me when something was funny or effective.
Margot: Because it was. The show isn’t afraid to go deep, but the humor consistently works. It’s a stellar solo show.
Cara: One of the biggest breakthroughs happened after a read-through when we had lunch together. You asked me a question about a trip I had taken, and that conversation gave us the ending.
Margot: Sometimes the story is sitting right in front of you. You just have to keep asking questions and listening. By the end, you’re taking control of your narrative. You’re calling the shots. That’s what makes the ending work.
Cara: I don’t think I would have gotten there without you.
Margot: You stayed committed and saw it through. Most importantly, you refused to let this sit in a Google Drive forever.
“Show Me Your Dick: A Lifetime of Dating in a Larger Body,“ written by Cara Meyers and directed by Margot Leitman, plays December 1, 8:30pm at Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, 5919 Franklin Avenue, Los Angeles.
Go Here for Tickets and Information
