by Analyn Revilla

I think that worry is an unhealthy habit. I am not immune to this disease. I enjoy living alone and being independent, but I also have anxiety when I feel the burden of isolation when I’m not connected meaningfully to others. This is why it is important to build a community that fulfills that emptiness from lack of purpose. My purpose has been to teach health and wellness through meditation, yoga and pilates, and also writing.

The psychology of worry is the need to control and maintain homeostasis.  But also, maintaining this state of changelessness can be a cause of worry that can lead to depression.  From my own experience, as my life unfolds to living without a mate to share my life with, there’s a deep emotional and psychological burden of finding meaning in the simple things. I miss the anticipation and joy of preparing a meal to be shared with someone who also appreciates this ritual.  

The ritual begins with planning. There there is the execution. I like shopping for the ingredients, and choosing to buy the “best” of whatever the purse strings can afford.  Maybe even splurging a little extra for a more expensive bottle of wine or whatever it is that can be elevated as an offering to the beloved.  And on the ritual goes, until the gathering at the table, excited not so much over the food and wine, but the meal in itself and what it represents – “Wholiness”  equating to Whole Plus Holiness. The joining together creates a holy completeness, a union, the yoga, the breaking of the bread, communion.

Wholiness = Whole + Holiness

When I started teaching yoga, I offered a weekly class focused on seniors.  It was hosted by the library and the event was well attended.  Many attendees appreciated the opportunity to exercise, move mindfully and learn how to practice yoga.  After the 50 minute class there was the opportunity for the participants to have tea, coffee, cookies and pastries.  For the attendees the highlight of the event was”coming together”.  It brought a moment of joy and light in their day, and some even said for the week.  As a yoga teacher, when given the permission to touch to adjust someone’s pose, I feel a melting surrender that almost whispers “Thank You.”  A loving touch is healing.

The meaningful connection with another human being helps dissolve that anxiety of loneliness. Truly, I believe that when we can connect heart to heart with another being regardless of the circumstances (the ideal being a celebration festooned with flowers, a candle and a meal), the “coming together” alleviates the habit of worry.  My main meaningful relationship at home is my senior dog, two cats and ten chickens.  Beyond the household, I have my work as a yoga-pilates instructor and my writing community. I confess that I need to nurture my writing community more this year.

I haven’t fulfilled my duty to write daily or more frequently for my blog week, because my dog, Goliath, underwent a serious dental surgery. It started with a molar abscess that needed surgery to remove a bad tooth. Before the surgery, I was fraught with worry that she would not wake up from the anesthesia. She made it and she’s now recovering with a healthy appetite for food and life.

As I write now, I also recognize that I “freeze” when I’m going through something heavy. I simply cannot write. I need to work on this too. The “freezing” is a form of worry.

Thank you for reading and thank you for the opportunity to connect with you.

by Analyn Revilla

The stories in the news just get more bizarre and entertaining lately… and in trying to make sense of it all, I find meditation to be a sure cure.

On December 18, 2024, a popular YouTuber and ‘Flat Earther’, Jeran Campanella, travelled from California to Antartica and saw the sun does not rise in the Antartica during the summer in the southern hemisphere.  

He said “Sometimes you are wrong in life.  I thought there was no 24-hour sun…“

At the end of the interview, he was very humble to say “I realise that I’ll be called a shill for just saying that and you know what, if you’re a shill for being honest so be it – I honestly believed there was no 24-hour sun.”   

This could be earth shattering news for some Flat Earthers, but it does not mean it’s the end of the Flat Earth society.  Deep in the human psyche there are belief systems that are so hard to root out, because it’s embedded in the heart.  Would it be easier to believe the earth is flat than to deny the love in our hearts? 

I’ve experienced despair and deep sadness.  Who hasn’t?  I pause and introspect if sometimes I am projecting my feelings and belief out there, and not really seeing reality for what it is.  What makes me hang on to a belief system that I willfully blind myself to the truth?  Is it that it’s easier to hang on than it is harder to let go? 

There was a recent Tik Tok video, made by Sarah Roberts, that had gone viral.  Before the exclusive she gave to TMZ on February 26, the storyline in the media was Sarah Roberts called for the assassination of Elon Musk and confessed that she had not filed taxes for the past eight years.  In the video I witnessed a lot of pain her eyes.  There are some things that makes the expression “the bell cannot be unrung” to ring poignantly.  “Unring the bell”, is an analogy used in law that suggests the difficulty of forgetting information once it is known (Wikipedia).  In my imagination, Sarah Roberts had tattooed “psychopath” on her forehead.

The TMZ headline read “TikToker I WAS NEVER GOING TO KILL ELON MUSK… And My Taxes are Paid!!!” and the gist of the article is her confession of regret for “trying to make stupid jokes on the Internet,” adding, “I thought it was protected under free speech but I certainly learned my lesson.”

Comparing the thought process behind Jeran Campanella and Sarah Roberts on their belief systems is a stretch, but the common thread is a transformation of consciousness.  There is humility in Jeran’s words and the essence is palpable in its expression. Either Sarah Roberts is a really good actor or she truly believed and felt what she expressed in that TikTok video.  Having FAFO’ed, she tried to salvage a joke that went too far and now it’s hard to take seriously anything she says. 

Matthew 15:13,16

13 He replied, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. 14 Leave them; they are blind guides.[d] If the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.”

15 Peter said, “Explain the parable to us.”

16 “Are you still so dull?” Jesus asked them. 17 “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? 18 But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. 20 These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.”

So I’m trying to make sense of the whirl wind of events, and I had the aha moment that the mind will go into an infinite loop to try to make sense of it… like asking “Deep Thought” for the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe and Everything and the answer is 42. (The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy).

The mind does not have the answer to make sense of it all.  It’s so much deeper than that.  Consciousness is not limited to the mind.  We are all consciousness, and we’re on different planes of consciousness moment to moment.  When we pause and notice who is the thinker, we get a glimpse of the Seer watching the unfolding of dance and play of light and shadows.

Below is an excerpt from Swami Muktananda’s Life is a play of Light and Shadows

What was real yesterday is unreal today, and what is real now will be unreal tomorrow, because tomorrow it will no longer exist. Life is the extraordinary play of the actor of the universe, the Self. It is mystery, a story told by a grandmother, real, yet without foundation. In this world, day becomes night and night becomes day. Joy turns into grief and grief turns into joy.

Virtue turns into sin and sin turns into virtue. Birth becomes death and death becomes birth. Success become failure and failure becomes success. One person’s victory is another defeat. One person’s interest is another’s indifference. One person’s religion is another’s irreligion. The world constantly changes. 

The 24 hour sun is akin to the ever-seeing Self. The Self is always there, concealed only by ever changing weather patterns. Recognize that weather is caused by the sun, originated in the Self.

This is my last blog for 2024.  As the Thanksgiving weekend closes and we enter the December holidays, there’s a lingering nostalgia for the end of many things.  The hardest part is letting go.  

I have to say it, as it’s the elephant in the room.  Yes, there will be a new president, and a lot of changes will rock my world and your world.  The day after the election, I was teaching a Yin Yoga and Meditation class.  In the first asana, “Sukasana” (Easy Pose), I asked the participants to unfold their legs and do the opposite fold of what they normally do.  It’s uncomfortable in the beginning, but it’s also healthy to balance the body by doing the opposite of our habits.  First we become aware of our habits, and secondly, we can grow and be more resilient as we work through our discomfort in the asana.  Letting go is a powerful tool. 

Our mode of thinking is also a habit.  I noticed this afternoon, as I struggled to put a latch lock on the door of a chicken coop, my mind was looking to blame others for my “suffering”.  I didn’t have an electric drill, so I had to hammer the nails into the pressed plywood, which was ungiving.  I pounded and pounded with mighty effort and I wasn’t making any effect. I blamed my friend who put the “wrong” lock on the door.  I blamed the Home Depot employee who sold me the wrong kind of nails.  I blamed Bruno for dying.  I noticed my thought pattern of blame and the resulting resentment and frustration.

There was about an hour and half left of natural light, and I had to fix this problem.  I needed to install the latch to protect my chickens from the two humungous and fearless raccoons I saw last night.  I need a man to do this work, or someone with strong shoulders and arms.  My neighbor Alvin and his wife Dora helped me.  He brought over his power drill and the job was done in less than ten minutes.  

Incidentally, I met Alvin the summer of 2018, the year Bruno died.  Alvin saw me walking a white German Shepherd, Batman.  He recognized the dog.  He asked if it was the same dog of the Frenchman, and why hadn’t he seen him for a while.  I told him about the fatal accident, and his face was in shock.  Since that day he and his wife have been wonderful neighbors and friends to me.

January 15th, 2024 will be seven years since Bruno died. I have an inkling there’s some truth to the cycle of 7 years. In Kundalini yoga, the belief is the consciousness shifts every 7 years (https://serpentine.yoga/the-7-year-cycle-of-consciousness-explained/.) Rudolf Steiner also had a theory for the 7 year cycle (https://beduwen.com/2015/01/29/seven-year-cycles/.) Noting also about the cycle of 7 in the natural world as in:

• 7 days in the week
• 7 notes on the musical scale
• 7 directions (left, right, up, down, forward, backward, center)

In the past, nearly 7 years, I have been learning about surrender and letting go in a profound way in my body and consciousness.  I’ve been weathering some health issues and a shift in my consciousness has been helping me heal.

There’s also something about this clip from the 2003 documentary, “Born Rich”, by Jamie Johnson that fits into the puzzle of making connections between juxtapositions of different realities and surrender. Jamie Johnson is an heir of the Johnson & Johnson wealth.

Rich kids do not choose to be born into that privilege. Some of them, interviewees in the film, have accepted their “occupation” without thinking too deeply about their circumstances. But Jamie Johnson was different. He interviewed his family, friends and acquaintances about being born rich. What they all thought and felt were taboo for polite conversation or any intimate dialogue. I am far removed from that society, but what he revealed about that world and what resonated with me, in his words below, are the humanness of hiding and wanting to fit in whilst breaking from the mold to be your own self.

Here’s a transcript starting at: 1:04:33

Replace the words “rich” and “privilege” with finding love, living love, losing love, and redefining love.  I’ve inherited some hard stuff and some good stuff too. What I’m earning is experience and learning to cope with change by letting go and knowing the wisdom of surrendering without resistance so that I am able to move towards positive changes.

Soon a “milestone” birthday will be upon me.  My longtime Danish friend, Michael, made me laugh when he asked in a supposed tactful way, “Isn’t December when you upgrade to version X.0?”  (I’ll let you guess what X represents.)  Michael and I are both from the tech world, so I responded, “I need a rollout plan.”

It’s true.  I don’t have a rollout plan.  It was only today that I started to think about what to do for my birthday.  What is a milestone birthday?  Isn’t every birthday a milestone, anyway?  Isn’t everyday a milestone?  I know some people who are grateful for every morning they awaken.  The ones I remember who talk like this are enthusiastic and humble people.   

It may sound arrogant of me to say that I don’t feel old, because I haven’t yet matured.

What is maturity?  If I were to identify as a bottle of red wine (of the bolder variety), then I am not yet ready to be uncorked.  I need a few more knocks on my head and turned upside down before I “grow up”.  

I’m not seeking adventure, but seeking a transcendence in consciousness.  When the upgrade to version X.0 happens then I want to be able to have plasticity in attitude that I can still be open to seeing life through a different pair of lenses.  

It would be a little like the movie “Groundhog Day”.  Each morning, I wake up and relive the day until I “get it right”.

I don’t feel the need to go to a destination place to find myself.  I can do that work right where I am, day in and day out.  Where I go, there I am, always.  

On Thanksgiving I had a chance to try an excellent bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon from the Stag’s Leap District.  I would be deeply satisfied to share this wine, some flavorful cheeses, butter and honest bread (i.e. simple ingredients and handmade) on my birthday.  It would be special to share it meaningfully with other people who wouldn’t know it was my birthday, while my dog is lazing around; the kittens making mischief; and the roosters crowing while the hens scratch for worms and bugs.

It would be better that the others didn’t know.  It would just be a gathering to enjoy the moment with good food, good wine and conversation.  Another day of chop wood, fetch water.  It’ll be another day to find the extraordinary in the ordinary.

Countdown to the next hype
Overflowing the senses
Never satiated enough
To pause for 
A breath
Digestion & absorption
Rest
Turkey bones simmering
While creating holiday gift list
Lucky enough to be broke enough
Walking the dog in the park
Pine cones gnawed to the core
Kids on bikes, skateboards and razors 
Pumping on the track
Laying down the tracks 
to inhabit Mars
Dog rolls on the grass
Burying wet nose into dark earthly smells
I, sinking sitz bones down 
Closing eyes
Letting go
Bob is reminded of people past 
Every Thanksgiving
Later, Laura, his wife, texts
We look forward to reading your blog
Hey, I thought about you two
While I sat on the grass
With my dog
At the park
Emptying my mind
Escaping that empty feeling.

Before I start, I’ve already said too much.

Finally, I was able to quiet my mind and center myself to apply myself to this task – write. Last night, a friend asked “Are you still writing?” Yes, I still write, but mostly journaling. To write something outside of journaling has been hard for me. I still write, because it fills my well. I started journaling at age 9 and have not stopped since.   

I had a writing mentor, a memoirist, who said, “Writing is a muscle, and like any muscle needs to be exercised.” 

The prefrontal cortex (PFC) is a part of the brain associated with writing. “This region of the brain is responsible for orchestrating thoughts and actions in accordance with internal goals. Many authors have indicated an integral link between a person’s will to live, personality, and the functions of the prefrontal cortex.” (Ref: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prefrontal_cortex)

Writing this blog is more effortful than journaling, because I make more conscious effort to construct sentences and a flow that is recognizable, understandable, and meaningful, unlike stream of consciousness writing. 

After losing Bruno very unexpectedly, almost seven years ago this coming January 2025, I was in a state of waking coma for roughly 18 months.  When I began to be functional, I noticed that something was off in my mental and emotional reactions to situations.  The trauma had affected my brain, and the effects I noticed were the inability to find words and make associations between things as easily as I use to do.  My speech pattern was slow as I tried to find the words to formulate them into a sequence to communicate effectively.

I found meditation effective to regulate my trauma. Like journaling, I started meditating at a young age of 14. Among the many gifts of meditating is being an observer of my thoughts and emotions.  In meditation, I enter in a state of non-duality as an observer without judgement. 

When I write, I enter the world of duality, because words are distinct.  Words are intended to categorize and organize and make concrete what our mind conceptualizes, hence “words live in duality”.  It has both the proclivity to divide and to unite as words can define and identify.

The words make a statement, but are symbols and imagery perhaps more powerful than words in the human psyche? A name is an elevated form of word.  In the bible, Moses speaks to God.

Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name? ‘ Then what shall I tell them?” God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.

Exodus 3:13-15 New International Version (NIV)

In 1993, Prince announced that he would no longer go by the name Prince, but rather by a “Love Symbol” which was a mash-up of the gender symbols for man and woman. https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-36107590

It is an unpronounceable symbol whose meaning has not been identified. It’s all about thinking in new ways, tuning in 2 a new free-quency. – Prince

There is a backstory to the reason he changed his name, but for the purpose of this blog, his reason was he wanted to encourage new ways of thinking and vibrate to a higher frequency.  Tibetan Buddhism uses images to promote healing.  For example, meditating upon the Green Tara (aka Dolma which means “to free something,” “to be free,” “the method of freeing”.)

There are different methods to engage in this meditation.  One is to focus the awareness on the image of Dolma, as in the thangka below. Another would be a guided meditation with spoken words. The meditator creates the stage with her imagination.  This method allows for spaciousness as the images evoked by the meditator is unique to their creation, for example, variances in the shades of green and the forms of Dolma.

“Goldilocks and the Three Bears” tells of Goldilocks’ experience of discovering the “Middle Way”. She eats from a big bowl of porridge “too hot”, then a medium bowl of “too cold” and a smaller bowl of “just right”. The story continues to the chair and the bed that were too hard and too soft, until she finds comfort in the one that was just right. The author, Robert Southey, had known of some translations and read Shakuntala (from the Mahabharata) and the Bhagavad Gita.   In Mahāyāna Buddhism, the “Middle Way” refers to the insight into śūnyatā (“emptiness“) that transcends the extremes of existence and non-existence.” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Middle_Way) 

One of the main reasons the Gita is so cherished is it promotes and discusses the middle path of yoga.  Krishna advocates to Arjuna that the ascetic life is both a difficult and unnecessary practice. “Krishna recommends the path of Karma Yoga or selfless service as the superior and quickest path to realizing the Divine.” ref: https://www.yogabasics.com/learn/bhagavad-gita/

Reaching the Divine is a state of enlightenment.  There is a method of yoga known as Jnana Yoga, the path of knowledge.  This is what Ramana Maharishi taught.  He spoke rarely.  Whenever a new devotee sought his teachings in person, he communicated in silence.  His message is that we are all already enlightened.  We are already divine. Our ignorance (or maya) blocks the awakening to our natural state of enlightenment. 

We can practice being precise with our words, but it could still create miscommunication because the listener or reader of the words absorbs the meaning through the filters of the mind.  A controversy surfaced in the news about Miss Universe representing Denmark, Victoria Kjaer Theilvig, because she was lip synching a Jay Z rap song “Empire State of Mind”⁣ with the n-word. I don’t know the intent of the TikTok video, so I wouldn’t venture on an opinion.

There is the conceptual mind and the “dream mind” according to Tibetan dream master, Tarah Tulku. “Dream mind” is always active. To experience the “dream mind” requires working with dreams so as to be aware of it during the waking state. If not aware that the “dream mind” is active, we can mistake a waking perception as actuality, when in actuality, the “perception” is a waking dream. Ref: “The History of Last Night’s Dream” by Rodger Kamenetz.

The impulse to write came from recognizing the power of words. There was a period when I couldn’t write what I felt, so I withdrew into journaling. Images and symbols are universal and emotes deeper meanings that are beyond words. Lately, I’ve been doing more sketching and drawing. It’s also become popular to “color”. Coloring books for adults have become popular. There are also mandala coloring books. The Mayo Clinic in 2022 stated “Coloring is a healthy way to relieve stress. It calms the brain and helps your body relax.”

1. Colette Madame Collette is an Algerian-born mystic of the Kabbalah tradition, with whom Rodger Kamenetz studied with to research his book “The History of Last Night’s Dream” ↩︎

To me, there is something primal about Thanksgiving. It is primal to nourish the body with food. The tribe gathers together to eat. There is a humility in this ritual. The ritual can be daily or like today, seasonal.

Elevating the ritual is acknowledging the blessings of a good harvest from the fruits of our labor and gathering with family and friends and to be thankful for it.

Food. Family & Friends. Gratitude.

Simple is good for the soul.

Happy Thanksgiving.

by Analyn Revilla

Art is creation, the yang energy of expression.  Edges define boundaries of dark and light and reflect upon the canvas of the retinal cones that mirror shapes and shades.  Aural caves and visual effects filtering through the mind, a level of consciousness. 

Where is the seat of consciousness?  

Science is the inquiry and investigation, the yin energy of making sense of the stimuli of touch, sight, sound, smell and taste.  The mind clutches to make order, sense orientation and have perspective of existence and reality.  Truth is elusive through the lens of the mind.

Antennae probe into granularity of structures and grandiosity of formations of cosmic cliffs. Mirrors reflect back time of fading light like the waning of a siren, harkening what is to come and what too will pass.  This form, illuminated with the light of consciousness, will also pass. 

In Hindu philosophy all of the entire cosmos originate from the  vibration of Aum (OM, ), since all existence is made of vibration.  The breath expression articulated in the form and resounding the I AM.

by Analyn Revilla

I did a couple of things this weekend that reminded me to revisit Don Miguel Ruiz’s “The Four Agreements”.  The first agreement “Be impeccable with your word”.

Here are the Four Agreements, and the most important is the agreement we make with ourselves.

The first situation was a misunderstanding on a specified date for a new yoga class.  The class kicked off on Saturday, June 1st, and there wasn’t an instructor to lead the class.  A phone call with my supervisor starts with his apology for not reminding me about the change in the schedule.  Surprised, I said that the class doesn’t start till June 12th.  He doesn’t know where that date came from.  He’s been swamped with many things and kindly reminded me that going forward, every Saturday, there is a 9:30 am class. 

After getting off the call I rechecked the text… Ooops.  I made the mistake.  It read June 1, 2024.  I misread the numbers by stringing the 1-2 together in my first quick glance at the text.  Funny thing is that he and I had had in person conversations about the class since he originally notified me by text. I said June 12th to which he didn’t react to. 

I called my supervisor quickly, though there was a moment of hesitation, remorse and recoil on my part. I didn’t relish the idea of owning up to the problem. I was being mindless in reading the text in the first place.  Not very yogi-like of a yoga teacher. “It’s on me,” I said to him, “I misread your text.”  He graciously accepted my apology.  We cleared up the air and set the expectations.  That also touches on the 2nd agreement – “Don’t make assumptions”.  I did the opposite by assuming I was correct on the date.   I also stumped on the 4th agreement “Always do your best”.  

My Jenga tower just came crashing down, but still partially standing as I was impeccable with my word on that incident.

The second situation was similar – a scheduling conflict.  I texted someone to request for rescheduling an important meeting.  I was conflicted to give a reason for the request for the change.  I was assuming (again) that the person might think my reason as trivial.  But, to me the reason was not trivial.  I typed the words carefully and explained the situation.  I held my breath (sort of) for half an hour.  The person responded and said, “let me check the calendar, I will get back to you shortly”.

I felt deeply relieved that the person responded quickly for a Sunday afternoon, and that the request was viable.  The best part was I didn’t lie, and that felt extremely good.

I am dedicating this blog in memory of Erica H. Bennett for her original blog post of “The Four Agreements” – https://lafpi.com/2015/05/labor/ . She wrote it on May 29th, 2015.  The date was 9 years ago, last Wednesday.  Nancy Beverly commented to say she has the Four Agreements posted at her desk. Thank you for your Erica blog. RIP.

by Analyn Revilla

We’ve all probably experienced times when we haven’t been treated fairly.  

Remember the TV game show “Let’s Make a Deal”? Sometimes the player would choose a door that would reveal a goat, instead of a brand new car.

One of my hardest experience, since Bruno’s accident and dealing with the aftermath of that event, was to face up to someone in power for bullying.  In hindsight, I had no choice.  I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t speak up.  

Even if there are laws to help protect human rights, it still takes one person to speak up to make the law effective  It could be a witness who steps up to bring about transparency to the mistreatment of a human being by another; or the person themselves being victimized who says “Stop.”, “Enough!”.  When I spoke up for myself, I felt an enormous relief. It was the most freeing experience I’ve had in a very long time since I started to shrink under the weight and pressure of the bullying.  

I think it begins with being aware of the situation and accepting the “what is”.  Sometimes, the situation can seem daunting and unbelievable.  Denial of the ‘what is’ perpetuates the ongoing victimization.  Awareness and accepting are key to bringing forth action.

Coming to a resolution is a long and tough road. But step by step, I work on being at peace with what’s at hand.  I remind myself that It’s just this. Then, I can think and see my options and choose what is right for me. 

My Mom texted a story to me today.  A friend of hers went to the doctor with her son.  The doctor said everything was fine.  The mother and son went to the pharmacy at the mall to fill out a prescription.  Afterwards, they walked around the mall and then the mother collapsed and died.  My Mom attended the funeral today.

It makes me think that it does not matter whether I’ve been dealt a good hand, a bad hand, or nothing much at all – I just have to deal.  Accept it and keep on dealing.  I texted back my Mom and told her to keep on loving and that I love her.