by Robin Byrd
A year ago, I went home, I had Laryngitis and was unable to love on everyone… Laryngitis, that’s what the doctors called it – I have been having throat spasms since my time in the Army. A few days before my flight out, my throat closed – no air. The pushing sound of me trying to force my throat open – something I learned from a Marine who blew air into my windpipe to open it the first time my throat closed. He saved my life. I was in AIT (Advanced Individual Training) for my MOS (Military Occupational Specialty) and all of a sudden, the water I was swallowing expelled out of my throat like a fountain as I gasped for air.
Doctors never believe me. They won’t even check me if I get to emergency after it stops. Even those doctors this last time in the emergency room didn’t believe me as they watched me gasp for air. They told me to “calm down”. Then slowly hooked me up to monitor the air, laughed among themselves (probably calling me a hypochondriac in code) until the machine called foul and the people from the front desk came back to see who was sounding like they couldn’t breathe. The look between them – the doctors – “Oh, she really isn’t getting air…”
“No, I am not getting air, that’s why I came to emergency to pay the $200 dollar plus fee – to be seen.”
I left with a bag of medication but nothing to help with the spasms should they turn up again. They called it Laryngitis but knew there was something else going on.
I don’t know why I am thinking about this. Maybe, because it’s the feeling I get when every avenue I try to get my work out there seems to expel my efforts like the water I was drinking that first time. The constant reconciling is enough to bust the four back wheels on a semi-truck. All the ideas, all the words…
And yet I continue… Here’s to continuing, out of breath and all, until…
The wolves who came to breakfast devoured the meat with the life at once, leaving scant scraps for the omega. There is a hierarchy among wolves, there is also a great sense of community.
“I have never been contained except I made the prison.” – Mari Evans