All posts by TiffanyAntone

Playwriting Stall

By Tiffany Antone

Eight years ago, I was excitedly sitting in on my first graduate classes as an MFA playwright.  E.I.G.H.T. Whole. Years.  Ago.

I didn’t know what the future would bring – I just knew my Muse was alight with passionate glee.

Oh, and I also knew that I had three years to write “something awesome” because after graduation, The Real World (and Sallie Mae) would come crashing down around me with all of its grubby demands.  Demands like “You better pay for that education!” along with other necessities such as gas, food, somewhere to live – you know, the basics.

Well, the basics plus student loan and credit card debt.

(sigh)

But I read an article today in the Huffington Post that has me re-evaluating the way I’ve been handling The Real World since graduation.  The article was titled “Where You Should Be vs. Where You Are”.  I clicked on over to check it out because, like many an artist, I am constantly compelled to compare my actual career trajectory to the one I think I should be on by now.  Also, like any good perfectionist, I like to read up on all the ways I’m not yet meeting my fullest potential so that I can berate myself about it later.

Which is, of course, exactly what the article’s author, Emily Bennington, is telling us not to do.

Emily tells us that she had her “Just what the heck is wrong with my constantly unsatisfied self?!” moment when her son told her how sad she was making him, what with all her yelling and irritation – you see, her shortage of patience with her self had dribbled over and onto her family as well.

I don’t yet have kids to hold a mirror in front of my face, though – so I suppose it means I have to find a way to hold one up by myself.

I’ve always been a fairly positive “You can do anything if you put your mind to it!” kind of person.  It’s why I work so hard to improve my own short-comings: If I’m doing my best, I will get as far as my best can get me, right?  But I how can I be doing my best, when I’m constantly picking myself apart in search of said shortcomings?  Don’t you, at some point, start to peck into your own self-confidence with all that drive to improve?

Well, somewhere along the way, I got so bummed out by the constant self-analysis of my own “slow” trajectory as an artist that I froze – mid-takeoff – in abject panic.

Because the business of theatre eludes me.

When I’m wearing my Playwright hat, I sit in a room and type and type and type and TYPE.  Then I send it out to play contests and theatre companies, and I wait.  I wait and wait and WAIT.  Sometimes the response is “Hey, we like this!  We are going to give it to actors and invite people to hear your words!” and sometimes it’s “Hey, we like this!  You should keep writing!” And, of course, sometimes it’s crickets.

That’s the nature of the business for a playwright, right?

I mean, is that really all we can do?

So about two years ago, I took a hiatus from all the pitching and mailing and waiting, and instead began producing small play festivals in a small town in AZ.  I expanded my producer skills, learned that I was not actually afraid of directing (and that I, in fact, actually enjoy the high-stress immediacy of it), and dedicated myself to creating other theatre opportunities to feed my creative soul.

And I enjoyed it.  I really did.

But I never escaped the feeling of heartbreak and ineffectiveness of a writer whose plays weren’t getting produced, nor the guilt-ridden dissatisfaction with myself for neglecting to write.

I’m not good at feeling powerless.

But I’m realizing that part of my “problem” is that I turned the mystery and frustration of my playwriting career’s seeming lack of progression into a mentally insurmountable hurdle.  I sat down and stared at that hurdle for a while, kicked some stones its way, and decided to go left instead.

Only, left has really just been this other trail alongside the one I disembarked, and I’ve been looking over my shoulder the whole way.  It’s like walking along a length of wall guarding the palace you built.  And I put up more wall with every blessed step.

You’d think knocking down a metaphorical wall would be super easy…

But I don’t know how to knock it down except to maybe stop counting up the things I “don’t have” and just get on with my bad self.  So…

Okay.

I don’t have money.  Who does?  I’ve really got to move on from this one.  I’ve got to stop lusting after “things” and realize – at this juncture especially – how much simpler my life will be when I stop tallying up how much money I’m NOT making and all the things I CAN’T do with an empty wallet.  Instead, I’ve got to figure out how much I need to earn in order to create space and time in my life to focus on all these words needing to be put down on paper.  I repeat:  It’s. Time. To. Move. On.

But then what am I going to do to make that money?  A small amount of money is still an amount.  Just because I stop hating how small my sack of coin is doesn’t solve where I’m going to get the coin from in the first place?   I mean, I really hate working desk jobs!  And I don’t know how to get a teaching gig, and, and, and…  Holy cow!  How can a person display so much ingenuity on occasion and yet find herself stuck again and again on others?  I just moved to Waco – there’s time to explore and get creative and get serious about this desire I have – this strong instinct towards saving my own sanity – and to carve out a pleasing paying gig.  Instead of bitching about not knowing where to find those elusive university teaching gigs, how about creating my own opportunities to teach and write?  (Massive DUH thought bubble)  I need to focus on figuring out how much I really need to earn to survive – and then make it happen.  There is no reason not to feel confident in this.  Move.  On.

Okay, but the saddest bit of truth here is that I don’t feel happy when I look at my plays anymore because I just see the unmet potential.  WAAAAAHHHHH (crumbles into a mess of ugly, fat, tears of disappointment)  Ummm… Gross.  That’s just gross.  And sad.  And it just feeds my guilt about not writing, thus making the whole ugly thing worse.  This will go away when I stop being angry at my plays for not being scooped up by producers after I’ve sent them out into the world.  I need to forgive myself for not even really knowing how to get my plays to the people doing the producing.  I need to forgive my plays for not getting a big production yet.  But I also need to celebrate my plays who have had productions or very nearly.  I need to tally up the pats on my back instead of just the unmet hopes.  And I need to just write more damn plays – to get the machine working again instead of cursing my rusty hinges for being “ineffectual”.  In essence, I need to knock.  It.  Off.

And write.

And move on.

Because here’s what I’ve realized:  When I’m honest with myself, I can see just how much energy I’ve spent these past few years developing other great theatre skills at the cost of neglecting my own passion for the written word.  I love writing, and I love teaching – and that’s where I need to put my energy.  I did learn that I also, strangely enough, love producing and enjoy directing… but I can’t be a whole (or healthy) artist if the part I most readily identify with – my playwright self – has been put in the corner for the crime of not traveling up the Playwright Ladder fast enough.

It is time for me to stop comparing myself against all the things I haven’t yet done… it’s time to find joy in where I am now, and that it is MUCH harder to put into practice than I’d like to admit.

But that’s where I’m at, right now.  And I’m going to celebrate it.

 

Musical, Musical – Let’s write a Musical!

In addition to teaching, working my day job, and directing/co-producing a new play fest, I am currently dramaturging a new musical.

It’s a musical that I’ve also been asked to direct.

It’s a musical which needed quite a hefty revision, but was wrapped in such an intensely messy process that even the title “Dramaturg” was unfamiliar to those drafting the darn thing.

I’d like to talk about what a wonder this little play is for surviving such a rapid conception and wild birth.

The play began as a book.  It was a sweet children’s book about animals clashing up against reckless humans.  The book has the most darling chapter titles, interesting characters,  an earnest quality that compels readers to turn the page – and it’s message is simple but important: We’re all part of this great big world, so we’d better take better care of it together.  

The book’s author was a first-time published author who had never written a play, yet he was asked to turn his book into one with the promise of a production if he did so.  He was paired up with a playwright to mentor him a little, and he set to work.

Meanwhile, the producer determined that the play should be a musical and invited a local composer to draft the music.

As the play moved along, the producer hired a director who then brought in and hired two local musicians (who had never worked on a musical before)  to draft music for the play – which created some obvious discord with the original composer.

At this point, there were a handful of passionate people up to their elbows in New Play Craziness, without a dramaturg on board or even the guidance of anyone who had created a new musical before.

And the calendar was looming heavy in the not-so-distance.

This band of determined creatives made it to production – they made it through actors jumping ship, the director adding her own rewrites to the script, and the never-before-playwright stepping into a pair of producer’s shoes even though he’d never done theatre before.

And yet, the play went up!  Audiences applauded – and everyone involved sat back after the final curtain and wiped their brows with relief – awash in the miraculous nature of the theatre.  For no matter the project, no matter the crunch, theatre (most of the time) happens.

Fast forward to this summer, where I’ve been tapped to remount the show and help fine-tune the play that no one had time to fine-tune last summer.

The artists are nervous – shell-shock from last summer’s Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Ma’am process, and the playwright is tired of getting feedback he doesn’t understand how to implement.

So I asked him for the original book.  I read the book.  And I found the play that he was trying to write was right there on its pages.

I’m working with him now to put more of his own book into the play.  I’m also working to correct the misconceptions he had been working under:

  • The playwright had been told that family theatre couldn’t be longer than an hour, because children can’t sit still longer than 60 minutes.    This is a fallacy – children can become engrossed in a compelling story and sit for hours.  I’ve seen children in audiences enraptured by the show on stage – shows that ran 90 minutes and longer.  The key is quality.  Kids don’t want to be talked down to or cheated – they’ll call you on the moments that aren’t gripping or genuinely funny/interesting, that don’t serve the play, or that are too wordy/not active enough. They’re honest thus the ultimate audience challenge, but if you write from a “What’s going to grab their attention?’ perspective, you don’t have to obsess about whether it’s 60 pages or 100.  And you certainly shouldn’t be excising parts of your successful book to meet page length “requirements”  instead of editing due to dramatic relevance.
  • The playwright was not in communication with the composers on the music, so he had no idea what the songs were going be like, nor how much time they would add to the play.  The musicians never got a copy of the book, so they were writing music based on the play’s skeleton – a skeleton intentionally lacking the meat of the book because of the above well-meaning, but inaccurate, advice on page length.  The playwright and musicians should have been working together.  And in an ideal situation, the playwright himself would have been the one to select his composer – not have them handed to him to know only from a distance.  Thankfully, everyone seems to have gotten along and to feel good about the partnership – but the holes in communication led to these first-time composers attempting to write music to a first-time playwright’s script without anyone on hand to help clarify the process/structure of writing a musical and to guide them all towards a solid and compelling script/score.
  • The Director does NOT get to rewrite your script.  Ever.  Unfortunately, the time constraints on the promised/scheduled performance last year led to a general surrender of the script to “the director’s vision”.  When I stepped on board this summer, I was dismayed to find out that the playwright felt a lack of ownership of his own material.  I understand that last summer’s director was trying to make the play work – a play that wasn’t ready for production but “had” to go on regardless – but it breaks my playwright heart to know he thought that last summer’s experience was the norm and that he did not want to put his playwright hat back on because of it.   I’m currently doing my best to give him the specific notes he asked for (this playwright admittedly doesn’t use the same playwright language I use, and has told me to be as specific as possible) with complete frankness that HE is the final say on any suggested script changes.  I’ve also made it very clear that the changes I’m suggesting are 90% straight out of his book – so that I’m mostly just asking him to bring over the delightful characterizations and dialogue present in the book.  My hope is that the nature of this summer’s revision process will leave him happier about the script and happier about being a playwright.
  • The composers were not given any lessons in musical theater or how to structure their songs.  They’ve created some lovely music for the play in spite of this, and it’s been wonderful to work with them on adding in some musical staples such as an “I want” song for our main character, a more thematically impactful closing number, and presenting the problems/world of our play in an opening number that gets our audience excited to be there.  I’ve ultimately asked them to draft 3 new numbers and to look at pairing down/tweaking some of the others, and they’re well on their way to making them all awesome.
  • Last summer’s show did not have a musical director.  The composers who were also the musicians were also the musical directors.  Yikes!  Talk about spread thin.  Actors need a dedicated musical director to help them understand the music and sing it to the best of their ability.   Musicians need a musical director to bridge the musician/actor divide.  The Musical Director is there to support the singers and the musicians – and having one on board now is making every musical step a little easier.  As I am dramaturging the play and music, our musical director is helping to do the same with the score and structure of that score.  It’s awesome.

I know that this may not be the most gripping of blog posts, but it’s a big part of what’s been on my creative plate lately and I’m sure it’s not the only project undergoing bumps due to a lack of dramaturgical support.   There is a lot of room for collaborative creationism in the larger circles of theatrical professionals, but in the smaller outer rings a few too many inexperienced chefs in the kitchen can lead to much heartburn and grief.

The people involved in this particular small-town-project really want to have a great show (and I’m confident they will)!  But it’s been frustrating to see how frustrating the process was for them last year, and the relevance of their experiences might impact someone else out there who is determinedly working on a new play sans dramaturgical support – in which case, I say this: Do yourself a favor and get the support!  Writing is one thing, but writing in a pressure cooker of impending production and too many cooks is entirely another.  Don’t let just anyone lead you along the road to production – passion and dedication are 50% of the equation, but know-how, skill, and time make up the rest.  If you’ve got the location and you’ve got the money, don’t short change yourself on the material or the people helping you to birth it.

And don’t lose sight of your role and rights as playwright, composer, or lyrcisist. If you have questions about what those rights are, visit the Dramatists Guild website.

~Tiffany Antone

Little White Rabbit

I can’t help but feel a tad harried these days.  I’m directing/producing a new play festival this week (www.TheatricsTheatre.org), prepping to teach a teen summer workshop that begins next week, dramaturging & directing a new play that goes into rehearsals in two weeks with performances at the end of July, and gearing up to move to Texas one day after that show closes.

Woof.

No wonder “I’m late, I’m late, for a very important… EVERYTHING” keeps running through my head.

Which has me thinking about my tendency towards overload – I am overloaded.  A lot. – and what needs to be done about it.

I think it comes down to the delicate and sometimes vicious dance I have to do in order to pay the bills/feed my soul/maintain some semblance of ‘I’m making progress’ in my internal mantra.   I’ve got three practically-full-time jobs, yet only one of them actually pays the bills.  The other two feed my soul and sometimes buy me dinner or printer paper.  Yet I can’t stop any one of them without suffering some kind of potential (worst case scenario) outcome: becoming homeless, losing my mind, or killing my soul off one administrative gig at a time.

So I try to do it all.  And with each new tree-ring I acquire, I wonder more and more at how long I can honestly continue to “BE ALL THINGS!”  (which we all know isn’t really possible to begin with)

I have a friend who is getting ready to start up her own theater company in a thus-far company-less town in AZ.  She is a talented director, actress, and playwright – and I’ve no doubt she will rock this new theatre company like a boss.  But as I was listening to her layout her plans to pay her artists, I felt a cold creeping nagging feeling come over me – “How are you going to pay artists and stay afloat?  How can a company in its infancy expect to make enough money to make money for its artists?”  and  “What does it say about me that my first reaction is balls-out skepticism?”

I think it’s time for me to move out of the Land of the Creative-But-Financially Stumped, and I’m not ashamed to say that I will probably need some help vacating the shanty I’ve got held together with fly paper.  I’ve never taken a business class, I don’t know the first thing about getting an LLC, but I think I’m going to have to do both in order to carve out a more comfortable artistic niche for myself  – something that doesn’t include money-panic on a daily basis or absolute calendar overload – something that is actually IN the field I love and have studied/practiced at so tirelessly these past years.

Which is all to say that I’m looking forward to the impending move.  I’ve had a number of creative successes in Prescott – and I’m so honored to have been a part of the artistic scene here.  But I’m damned excited to start fresh somewhere else.  And no, I’m not returning to LA (thanks for hoping) – and yes, I know how we all feel about Texas –  but a fresh start is like a blank page: chock full of possibilities!

 

~Tiffany Antone

white rabbit

Surround yourselves…

…with chocolate.

Or, more importantly, surround yourself with friends so delicious and inspiring that it makes you completely forget about your incessant quest to CONSUME ALL THE CHOCOLATE.

Because these people will help you get up off the couch.
They will teach you how to “Hang in there” and write your best stuff.
And they will tell you when you’ve had enough chocolate, and it’s time for you to get up and create something already.

I moved to AZ three damn years ago, and although I miss (like mad) my writer gals and guys, my creative crazies, and my “breeder” besties, I have managed to surround myself with enough awesome people in small-town-AZ, that I haven’t lost my mind and become an off-the-rails-choco-holic… yet.

But I miss the energy and motivation this crazy city gave me… the theatres on every corner, the actors and directors ready to air out your work for the price of a pizza and a share in the throb of theatrical magic.   I miss having conversations with peers who write like motherf***ers in the hopes of someday paying the bills with their words.

Which is why visiting LA has become pure joy, smiles,  and all-the-things-I-didn’t-get-to-enjoy-when-I-lived-here-because-I-was-working-my-fool-butt-off-trying-to-just-SURVIVE…

But I do miss the throb.

So surround yourself with inspiring friends and culture, and enjoy this crazy, blasted expensive, sunshining, billboards-on-every-corner city… and enjoy the chocolate.

 

 

Accepting the “Not Quite”

Sometimes things don’t work out the way you’d hoped.

Some of you may know that I had designs on jumping into the lip-synch craze with a bunch of fellow female playwrights.  I was supposed to be filming this Sunday… downtown… but there’s a MARATHON, my choreographer got ill, and I had to make the tough decision to cancel postpone the project.

But I want to take a moment to talk about the theatre that was going to host us this Sunday – The Los Angeles Theatre Center!

I worked at the LATC from 2008 – 2009.  I came on as an intern, and then Artistic Director Jose Luis Valenzuela gave me the wonderful opportunity to stay on as Literary Manager.  I learned so much working at that beautiful theatre, and I fell in love with their mission of producing work by theatrically under-represented peoples.

And this Spring, they are featuring FOUR new works by female playwrights!

  • Shades * World Premiere*  March 21 – April 14th
    Written by Paula J. Caplan. Directed by Jon Lawrence RiveraIt’s 1997, the Hale-Bopp comet zooms overhead, casting its magical glow over a time of relative peace in the U.S. An American family is both haunted and strengthened by its generations of service at home and on the front lines. The politics of war, race, and sex collide with echoes of the past in this compelling drama about what happens to family ties when oppositional politics threaten to tear them apart. Witnesses to life’s fleeting nature, each must take action now or risk losing all. A play about discovering the path to love, laughter, and even some peace beneath the ruins of war. Recipient of the Inaugural Pen & Brush Award for Playwriting.
  • Habitat  *L.A. Premiere* April 12 – May 12th
    Written by Judith Thompson. Directed by Jose Luis ValenzuelaJanet and her mother Margaret both live on Mapleview Lanes – the perfect neighborhood until Lewis Chance buys a house on their street to open a group home for troubled adolescents. Raine, unable to respond emotionally when her mother dies, finds herself at this group home, in a community that has little tolerance for its newest residents. The ensuing battle – over whether the group home stays or not – allows Raine to re-awaken her emotions through rage, and a political will she didn’t know that she possessed.
  • The Anatomy of Gazellas  *World Premiere* April 25 – May 12th
    Written by Janine Salinas Schoenberg. Directed by Jon Lawrence RiveraAlex, a mysterious teen, arrives at a transitional house for young women run by a charismatic Evangelical leader. As the two women struggle to understand each other, Doña Lydia becomes more determined to save the young girl from herself.  But Alex has already devised her own plan for salvation with the help of her imaginary friends.
  • Beautiful *World Premiere* May 23 – June 16th
    Written and performed by Jozanne Marie. Directed by Geoff RivasBeautiful is a solo play about a young girl, an island, and a secret that begs to be told. Told through the spoken word poetry of international artist Jozanne Marie, this harrowing coming of age story will stay with you long after you leave the theater.

Please support this amazing theatre, and enjoy the amazing shows, the beautiful interior, and the four fabulous stages of the Los Angeles Theatre Center!

~Tiffany Antone ~

Christmas Blessings

I have a confession to make – my initial reaction at blogging over Christmas was “What?  But I’ve got candy to eat and hug family and watch Holiday movies on repeat!! ”  But then I realized that it might be the perfect time to sit down and tap out some sentiment… I mean, last time I was blogging for the LAFPI, I was pretty much crying in my beer – feeling very overwhelmed and under-creative.

Then I co-produced a short play festival with my The@trics partner, and my groove came back with a vengeance!

There really is a lot to be said for donning the producer cap once in a while – it helps alleviate that dark and bitter sense of atrophy that a playwright can develop under the right circumstance (I’m broke, I don’t have the job I want, I don’t have time to write, I am tired of eating cereal for diner… you know what I’m talking about here).  Producing gets you our of the house, our of your pajamas, and away from the mini-bar.  You are busy!  You are working on a completed project!  You are part of something that is actually-by-God coming to fruition!

And it is empowering!

But it wasn’t just the “productivity” that pulled me out of my funk – it was the impact of the production itself that was inspiring!   Here were plays that were written to raise money for a local non-profit. Here were plays that by there very writing, mattered!  They weren’t just something written to suit a playwright’s fancies… they were written to get butts in seats so that the Coalition for Compassion and Justice in Prescott, AZ, could fund their poverty relief programs… these plays were written to help people… a purpose which, combined with all the creativity and passion behind/within/around it, reminded me of the power of theatre.

And that, dear reader, is what I needed to remember- what I needed to feel again, in my bones… I needed to feel the hum and throb and pull of the “why” of it all.

For why else do we write, but to make a difference?  Be it through laughter or revelation, catharsis comes to a hungry audience through the collaboration of many impassioned creationists… And I finally feel the passion coming back… driving me to sit back down and create!

 

Other Hats

I have to apologize – I’m in a real artistic funk and I leaked some of that frustration in Monday’s post.  Rather than spend the week whining (isn’t that a seductive plan), I’m going to attempt to treat your time with care.  After all, if you visit this site, chances are you’re some kind of theatrician as well and already well-know the challenges of this life.

So let’s talk about sprinkling yourself across mediums… and the wearing-thin of it.

I started a new blog – it’s called Twaddle Squawk and is devoted to fun opinionation.  I’ve assembled a terrific group of talented writers, and we will publish our third issue next week.

I write for that blogzine – I’ve got all kinds of things to say there – but I am not writing full-length plays.

I’ve also been producing new play festivals in AZ… it’s exciting to me and I enjoy wearing the producer hat (most of the time) because the results are tangible.  I have some major say in what happens and I usually write my own 10-minute play for each, so that Playwright Tiffany is bearing the benefits of Producer Tiffany’s hard work…

I write for those festivals because I know the result will get produced – but I am not writing full-length plays.

I’m organizing theatre workshops, rounding up students and such – because it’s solid and fun, and teaching feeds my soul!  I will spend these workshops giving of my experience and knowledge, sharing my path with young aspirants…

I will teach the sh** out of those classes – but I am not writing full-length plays.

But I wonder – With these other creative outlets eating up my time  – am I cultivating creative growth, or am I allowing the feeling of completion and ideas-come-to-fruition-ness (via producing and teaching) get in the way of my passion:  writing plays (without any guarantee that anything will come of them or not) and letting my muse run wild?

For the reality of the artist’s life is that we are constantly besieged by the “real” world – demanding we meet our real world needs (like eating, paying rent, getting our knee tended to when it’s busted – that sort of thing) – that we can start to lose faith in the solvency of our dreams.

I used to believe that my plays had no chance at being ignored – that if I worked hard enough at my craft, I would certainly succeed – but here I am at a place where I find myself exclaiming “Certainly I’ve worked hard enough to be further along than this!”  – and it leaves me grumpy and feeling stuck.

So, I don my other creative hats and revel in the completeness of different-than-playwriting tasks… and mourn the creative zeal that used to light my fire so determinedly.

Laid Up

Anyone else out there suffering from “I’m-not-doing-enough-itus?”

I hurt my knee.  I don’t know how I did it, but it was the third such lay-me-up-for-a-while injury sustained in September.  I’m not a clumsy person either, so three Wham-Bam-Mother-F**ing-OUCH’s in one month must mean something…   or so everyone has been telling me.

The standard response to my “I hurt my knee” hobble show has been “This is because you do too much.  You need to slow your roll, lady!”   Only, don’t they understand that I have plays to write, shows to get on Broadway, and professorial employment to procure?

… or, that none of that is happening right now anyway?  In spite of my constant busy-ness?

So I’m trying to take it easy on the couch while I wait for this Thursday’s apt with the orthopedist (hopefully the thing wrong with my knee isn’t that dire!) but it’s hard!  It’s hard because I’m so wrapped up in my part-time-panic that I don’t want to slow down… lest the life I’m trying find get too far ahead for me to ever catch up with.

Except that I did hurt my knee and I’ve been forced to spend way too many days on the couch like a total bum, no matter my anxiety.

And since I’m confessing – I’m not-writing again, which sucks.  The frustration and aggravation are paralyzing me lately – the thought that I’ll get stuck here in the not-really-where-I-want-to-be pit is paralyzing me even more – and yet, I’m so tired that I find myself spending my bum-knee-couch-time reading or playing video games instead of the “Gee, if only I had more time I’d be SOOOOO writing my greatest hits right now!” mantra I’ve been humming the past few months.

So – what’s the point of this whine-fest?  It’s that I need more wine… and pages.  I need to get my butt in gear, but I don’t know how.  It’s not writer’s block, it’s honest to goodness depression and anxiety.

And I didn’t need a busted knee in order to admit that.

Totally Worth It!

I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut of for the past four months and I’ve felt the pinch in a number of areas – sleep(!), diet, patience, nerves, peace and balance – but the details of the “then” aren’t as important to the posting of the now… the great happy “Ahhhh” I’m reveling in tonight, as it all finally wrapped up.

I get to sleep in tomorrow and the only thing I HAVE to do after I drag myself from bed is add up receipts and get my oil changed.

Two things.

I only have to do two things tomorrow.

I can’t wait.

And I’m heading into this much-needed day of repose after a hugely successful final performance at the summer camp.  These kids knocked it out of the park!  Not only did they jump head first into Viewpoints, Suzuki, and the myriad other techniques and challenges we presented them with, but they also soaked up every moment with joy.  They trusted each other, listened to one another, and they created a completely original theatre piece as an ensemble that was terrifically moving.

My partner and I were ecstatic, watching from the light booth, as proud as we could be, absolutely bursting at the seams with pride.

I feel good.

I feel so good.

I’m so grateful to the kids for invigorating me, for reminding me why I do what I do, and for showing me the magic that can happen when actors listen, trust, and explore together.

It was inspiring.

So after I catch up on sleep, eating, and yoga, I’m going to get right back to writing… the muse is awake and happy.  Working with new artists has proven again just how much I love teaching, how important it is to share our passion with the future, and how wonderful we can be when we work together.

Creationists

I know the word “Creationists” can stir emotions, but I’m not talking about religion today – I’m talking about the theater, and more specifically talking about young artists in the theater.

I’m co-teaching an acting camp with 10-16 year olds, and they’re blowing my mind – because no one is telling them “No”, or “You’re not right for the part” or “You can’t do that!”… and they’re enjoying every minute.

They’re enjoying every minute of “Yes.”

And I hope the world gives them more a lot more “Yes’s” as they grow… because it’s easy to get wrapped up in all the “No”s, “No Thank You”s and “Not Yet”s…. it’s easy to let them add up and weigh you down.

Lately I’ve been dreaming of driving off into a new town, new life, new everything – not because this life is awful (it’s definitely NOT – thank goodness), but because lately I’ve felt like I don’t know how to move this life forward with purposeful motion… motion in the direction I so aspire to move.

So I’m practicing the art of not worrying about it… of just sitting with the present for a change… I’m sitting with the joy of teaching young dreamers.   And they’re encouraging me to let go of the “No”s I’ve got sitting on my shoulders and just get back to playing.

Because that’s what we do – we dare to play…