Bad Playwright

guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back. . .

I’m a bad playwright. I never learned the lingo for conversation in playwriting settings. I probably should talk about myself more, but I’m thinking of myself most of the time in the making of said plays, so in playwriting settings, I would rather not talk about myself. I want to talk about baseball or kittens. Just not about me.

Another reason that I’m a bad playwright is that I don’t dress right. Sure I wear a lot of black, but I never liked the colorful patchwork clothes or mismatched socks that I’ve seen playwrights wear. I also can’t afford to spend thirty dollars on cool t-shirts with hip sayings on them. I’m sorry. I just can’t.

Also, if you come to see my play, I will ask you what you think. Yes, I know. Awwwkward. It’s okay. Just lie because if you say something negative, I will carry that around for a week while compulsively tearing off my finger nails.

I can’t stand bad plays. Sometimes I wish the audience would just riot and storm the stage to put the actors out of their misery. I know, I know, I should be supportive. I will go into the experience of bad plays later in the week.

I never know what to say to playwrights or actors or directors I admire. I remember over a decade ago I was at event and a playwright whom I admire was there as well, and damn if I could figure out what to say. Your work feeds me as an artist seemed a bit much for a cheap wine and cheese event.

I will say this. I’m good at disguise. I can be at a party or an event, and no one would know I’m a playwright.

2 Comments

  • By Crabby, March 22, 2011 @ 5:07 pm

    Wait…so the audience should kill the actors when a playwright writes a bad play…. I think the author should remain shackled to the back of the stage until the end of the play for that very same reason!

  • By Jen Huszcza, March 23, 2011 @ 10:52 am

    No Crabby, I said riot and storm the stage, not kill the actors. I’m thinking the audience could stop the performance, and everyone could go out for drinks.

    I would never advocate actor homicide. However, shackling a playwright has some potential, but some playwrights might like it a little too much.

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