Trusting Your Inner Wisdom

Thangka Image from Wikipedia

 Just go.  Do it.  Even if what you’re thinking of embarking on is new, foreign and maybe even scary then it’s important now more than ever to trust your inner wisdom.  Trusting the inner voice strengthens our connection to the higher source of our creativity, even if we are blocked creatively.

 Yesterday, I had my first energy healing therapy with a healer whom I met at Jennie Webb’s world premiere of her play, “Yard Sale Signs”.  The Healer came initially as a stranger on Saturday night.  I had a reservation and I was running really late on Saturday evening.  I was ready to forgo the play as  I was afraid of walking in late.  But, my sense of commitment was stronger than my fear so I quickly put on my helmet and fired up the motorcycle.  I wound through traffic and found a spot right in front of the theater.  The doors were open and there was a short line at the box office. 

One of the box-office attendants called out, “Is there a Lauren here?”  I shook my head no.  Then the woman behind me asked “What did she say?”  I said, “She’s looking for Lauren.”  We both settled back into our spots and waited politely for our turn.  After a quick and warm hello with Jennie, I found a seat and settled in for a string of provoking and funny conversations in the next 80 minutes.   The play explores 3 varying mother-daughter relationships.  The impact of the story telling unfolds unconsciously. 

After the play there were pockets of conversations, and I stood next to the woman who, earlier was with me at the box office line up.  She’s a kindergarten teacher and she met Jennie at a fundraiser.  Further into the conversation I found out Hillary is a healer.  She is an Energy Healing Therapist.  Based on what I heard from her I was deeply interested.  She spoke about how Energy Healing Therapy is a healing process that clears blocked “chi” meridians.  This language spoke chakras to me and I was already familiar with the energy systems of chakras based on Christiane Northrup’s book,  “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom” (Publisher:  Random House.) 

Next thing I found myself asking her if she could see me for a session the next day.  Rather impromptu, but she admitted she’s an impromptu kind of person.   Meanwhile, my left brain was already putting on the stops:  the cost, the trip out to Venice Beach, the traffic because of the Abbot Kinney Festival.  But Hillary was all about finding a way, a solution.  We made the appointment for 10 a.m.; I showed up at her purple painted door at 10:30 (my lateness signals my resistance.)

At Venice Beach the street festivities were well on their way.  Hillary’s home was a canopy of a serene oasis against the stuffy air.  I was boiling underneath all my motorcycle gear and the heat of the engine.  I changed into shorts and a fresh shirt in the bathroom while I stared at Buddhist thangkas.

The session begins with her question, “Why are you here?”  Though she was aware of the reason it was also a question that forces me to be clear on my intention.  I intuited that the problem was my resolve to finish my first rewrite which I’ve been circling round and round with, and never getting to the end. 

I couldn’t get past a certain point.  The path was blocked.  I had the desire to be creative but I lacked something and I was getting tired of trying to figure out how to get through it.  A heavy lethargic grossness overcame me whenever a great idea popped up.  As soon as I make my way towards the computer or pick up the guitar, I allowed myself to get distracted – too easily.  I found excuses:  coffee, sugar, housecleaning, going for a walk with the dog, and mostly “I’m not ready, because I don’t have the confidence that I have something to say.”  I wouldn’t allow myself the permission to just do it, and trust my inner guidance that I am an authority on what my imagination brings up.

I explained in depth to Hillary personal issues from the past, and that I needed helped to move forward.  It was sort of a desperate plea for help, but I wasn’t sure what form that would come in.  As I relayed the “issues” one by one she would stop me to ask where physically I was feeling something.  Mostly I pointed to the abdomen, and she observed a few times that I held my breath.  After the consultation she asked if I was ready to go on the table where she touched on the energy centers.  She began with a pendulum to determine the blocked energy points in my system.  The answers from the pendulum exposed that I was blocked on my 2nd and 3rd chakras.  The 2nd chakra is related to sexuality, creativity, finances, personal power, relationships, sensuality and pleasure; while the 3rd is about the development of personality, self-esteem and ego. (Reference –  Christiane Northrup’s website:  http://www.drnorthrup.com/womenshealth/energycenters/index.php.)

I recognized that my blocked chi in this chakra is related among other things with my disjointed relationship with my mother.  In trying to do my “Physician, heal thyself” I had neglected to dig into my own “sickness”.  Guilt can be like eddies draining you down, keeping you under, preventing surfacing up towards light and new growth.  

Story telling is how we share our humanity.  It is a form of healing that asks of us to share our joys and grievances to a sympathetic ear.  The wonder to me is the magic of how my inner guidance led my path to Hillary.  With the network of people who participated that evening at the Rogue Machine Theater, I wonder what new connections were made.  For myself, continuity of the story about mother-daughter relationships and how my intuition guided me to take the risk of trying something new, and being vulnerable to someone unfamiliar, and then coming to a point of initiating the unraveling of a knot in my chi relating to my family history, my need for security, validation and healing of hurts past forgotten but still resonating in my psyche and body as ailments.

While Hillary was moving energy through my 2nd chakra I found myself unexpectedly sobbing.  Further on, perhaps after that channel opened up I breathed continuously and deeper than ever before.  I spoke to her, “I feel like I’m drinking water for the first time.”  Her response was “the 2nd chakra is associated with water.”  Wow.  This is too bizarre to try to understand, but just accept it Analyn, I told myself.

Afterwards, I had a feeling of deep gratitude and strong sense of well being that everything is going to be alright and I can continue my work on the play.   There are different methods of resolving creative blocks and this is one method which I highly recommend based on personal experience.  The writing process is in itself a healing process and it’s a cathartic process whereby writers need sensitivity to the effects of the process in their bodies, heart and mind.

 To learn more about Hillary go to:  http://hillarybedell.wordpress.com/.  You can contact her via email at hillarybedell@yahoo.com

2 Comments

  • By jenniewebb, October 8, 2010 @ 3:03 pm

    How lovely to play a role in this part of your journey, Analyn!

  • By Analyn, October 8, 2010 @ 5:12 pm

    Hi Jennie, the journey is really amazing of how I met you through Jim, and from there who knows. Just amazing expansion – as long as we have the energy and sense of humour about it all. (smiley face) Thanks for your feedback on the blogs.

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